My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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