You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
