dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
