Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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