so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
