Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
