sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
