Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
