Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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