Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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