At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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