i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
