Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
