New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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