i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
