WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
