I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
