Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize