Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
