God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
