Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
