It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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