just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
