She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Less talking, more tequila
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
