my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
