You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
