he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
