the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
