apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
