I am puke
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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