lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize