i think my tv is drunk
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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