hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
