Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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