is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
