I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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