the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
