Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
