I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
