you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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