Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
no you cant smoke seaweed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
