I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
