First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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