Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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