this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
