your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
