Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
