Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
