Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
