my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is it penis luge time yet?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
