I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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