I hate your face
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
