Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
