i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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