The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize