Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
