If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
