I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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