The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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