I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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