i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
