You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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