my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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