So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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