I'm eating all of the evidence.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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