Don't you send me to vm
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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