Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
