Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
