I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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