I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
