I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
