He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
