im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
