I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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