i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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