I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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