it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
