She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
