I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
