listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
