he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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