Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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