One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
