you're like a bully in the Christmas story
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
