I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
