I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She announced her abortion via fbk
He felt like a one man threesome
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
