Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Let's get the cat blown out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
