hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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