tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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