just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
