It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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